Tuesday, 26 November 2013

What Am I?

I’m pretty sure my tutor thinks I’m gay. And by pretty sure, I mean 99.9%. Not that I have a problem with her thinking I’m gay, that’s cool. I’m not though. Gay I mean. I’m not straight either. I don’t think anyway. So what does that leave me with? Bisexual? Nope. Not that either. But I’m also certainly not asexual. So what am I?
I guess the closest thing is pansexual, which means that you can have sexual feelings towards anyone, but then again, why do I need to label myself? Why can’t i just be… me? I’m currently with a bloke (I refuse to call him my boyfriend unless I have to, the word is so cringe-inducing) but I still have strong sexual feelings towards other men, mainly those completely unobtainable and I would say even stronger sexual feelings towards women. (This sounds like I’m constantly suffering from the raging horn and shagging everything that moves behind my bloke’s back- not true. I love my boyfriend and would never hurt him by cheating on him. But biology is biology, and you can’t help but look.) So, why have I chosen to be with a man? Simply, because when I met him, I really liked him. And now I love him. And that would be the same with any man, woman, transgender, transsexual, genderqueer person. If I wanted to go on a date with them, I would. 
So, where do I go from here? How do I explain my feelings to friends and family? I don’t think I do. I attempted to explain my feelings to a friend once and the politest thing I can say was that he didn't understand. He said that if you’re with someone of the opposite sex, you’re straight, same sex then you’re gay. How completely black and white and dare I say, ignorant? I've had similar reactions from other people, so I've given up trying to explain and no longer voice my opinion when people discuss sexuality. And telling my family? Forget it. Not going to happen. If the time comes that I need to introduce a new lover to them, be it a woman, man, transsexual or anyone, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
The more i think about it, the more I realise that I’m in the closet.
What a lonely place to be.
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Saturday, 23 November 2013

collared jumpers two ways

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Tuesday, 22 October 2013

simple winter outfit

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Tuesday, 15 October 2013

casual dinner date

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Picnic Date

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coffee date

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Monday, 14 October 2013

The Quest For The Perfect Partner- Ser Ilyn Payne

I'm introducing a micro-segment that I'm hoping to feature. "The Quest For The Perfect Partner" is really my way of looking at the world, through a singles eyes. Note, not all these people are real, some are film, TV or book characters and the odd one might actually be, you know, a person with a face.

 To start: Ser Ilyn Payne, GoT.
I'm choosing not to include a picture from the series, because I'm basing this on the books.

 Pros
  1. Want a man that can lift you up and spin you around? Ser Ilyn's your guy! After years of wielding a headsman's sword, this guy has arm muscles to die for, get in there ladies!
  2. He has a steady income! As headsman for the Lannisters he'll always have a job. They like to cut heads off do those Lannisters.
  3. He can't talk! Ser Ilyn has no tongue! he'll never answer back and you won't be in for evenings of dreary conversation!
Cons
  1. He has no tongue. Need I say more?
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The Scorpio Races

I've read, and re-read, and re-read again all of Maggie Stiefvater's books. And I love them all, equally, like children. They sit pride of place on my top shelf and I gaze fondly at them on cold winter's evenings. Not really, but I do love them a lot. I've chosen to do a quick post about The Scorpio Races because I think that if you're going to start reading Maggie Stiefvater's books it's a good one to start on as it's a stand alone novel.

 The book is based on the legend of water horses, which has many different versions. Some talk of a half man/half horse that steals away young fair maidens, some do not. But the version Stiefvater went with is the latter, of horses from the sea, who eat flesh. Pretty creepy if you think about it, but a fab basis for a story. 

Now, onto the characters. I don't want to give too much away because I personally hate when overviews do that. I just want to say that they are all very real, or as real as you can get in a novel about people-eating horses. Puck is the sort of girl you want to be or you want to be friends with. She's tough and individual and you want her to succeed, you want her to win. But then comes along Sean and you like him as well and he's very harsh and cold and you want to get to know him; you want Puck to get to know him. As the story progresses, both characters open up and reveal their pasts, their history and that only makes you love them more. If you're like me, and get very involved in the books that you read, you will fall in love with them.

 The story line is brilliant, details are worked in a sophisticated manner (wahey, A Level English Language) and the range of vocabulary is very mixed. It is both informal and formal and there is a key equestrian lexical field running throughout. But you don't need to know about horses to read this, it's not all technical. The same as you don't need to be an expert on the water horse myth; as it is all very carefully explained.

 The book is very, very emotional, but you won't find yourself crying your eyes out. You will be moved- that's a definite. If you aren't, you clearly have a heart of stone.
My one grievance is that you never really get a conclusion in terms of Puck and Sean- and some people like that. I don't. I want to be told what happens so I know that they've lived happily ever after.  

 Overall: 11/10.
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Sunday, 13 October 2013

Guy Talk.

Not that I'm a guy. Just that I'm emotionally stunted like one. I don't do emotional relationship talk. I don't do apologies. I don't do talking about my problems, about my issues, because they're mine and frankly, I don't want your damn help. I get that this is apparently 'unhealthy' but you know what, I don't freaking care. I'm doing just fine. I just wish everyone would stop trying to have big, emotional talks with me and just g o a w a y. If I wank to talk to you about something personal, I will. If I don't, I won't. Get over it.
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What to do with a lbd

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